Saturday, November 06, 2010

How do others perceive you is NOT important?

I’m going to share with you this very interesting topic, that I usually share this with my people and other leaders verbally. This is the first time, I write this down in the blog. Let’s see if you really find this interesting…

When you just graduated from university or when you're still in school, you usually do not care how others perceive you as long as you think you're doing a right thing or the things that you like to do. So you don’t care about their perception as long as their perception is wrong or not valid.

However, the more you have grown up, the more you found out that how others perceive you is important. This is mainly because how others perceive you can turn you into who you are being perceived as. Others may perceive you wrongly, but the fact is whether their perception is right or wrong or the truth, it doesn’t really matter because what they perceive will turn you into what they want you to be. Do not believe me? Let me tell you why…


Have you heard of micro-messages?

You may not notice that your body send out millions of micro-messages every moment, every day.  These are all hidden messages generated from your body language which eventually can become a very powerful programming language to program another person’s mind without you even notice it. Let me give you an example:

Assuming you have 10 employees who work for you, one of them (let say employee A) is very stupid in your perception somehow. So everyday when you come to work and you see this employee A, your body language (although it is not obvious) send million of micro-messages to this employee A and the micro-message is “You’re Stupid”.  You’re actually sending millions of this affirmation message - “You’re stupid” to program this employee A’s sub-conscious mind everyday you see him. This message is then translated to “I’m stupid” by his sub-conscious mind and eventually turns this person to be really a stupid person even though initially he is not. The technical term for this is called “Neuro-Linguistic programming” or “NLP".

What so powerful about this micro-messages is that they can remotely program somebody sub-conscious mind. Of course, these-messages become even more powerful if more than 1 person to send the exact same micro-message. For example, you influence another manager to think or perceive the same about this employee A, thus not only you but also other managers also send exact the same messages to this employee A. The more people send the same message to this employee A, the higher chances this employee A will turn into what they want him to be.


How to defend these negative micro-messages?

Well, if what I said is correct, then everyone can remotely program anyone as they like. Well, not really. First of all, you can’t easily control your own micro-messages because it is in your sub-conscious mind.

For example,  you can NOT easily force your sub-conscious mind to send a micro-message that conflicts with your perception.  Secondly, you may not be so easy to remotely program a highly confident people because you’re sending a million of messages (i.e. You’re stupid) to him but he might be sending even more messages - thousands of million of micro-messages (i.e. I’m clever) to himself!


Who care as long as I’m confident?

Well, are you sure you are 100% confident? If the answer is absolutely yes, you got it. You do NOT really need to care about how others perceive you. If your answer is no, then you should really care on how others perceive you.

When they perceive you good, they send good micro-messages to you. When they perceive you bad, they send bad micro-messages to you. Good or positive micro-messages eventually help you to build-up your confident. That is the reason you should care about how others perceive you.


Summary
 
Usually people care about how others perceive them is because they may not understand themselves much. That’s why understand how people perceive them can help them to understand who they really are.

However, I’m talking at the different level that let’s assuming you understand yourself and what other perceive you is wrong, you still need to care about their perception. This is because this perception is extremely powerful and important that it eventually can turn you into someone else that you’re not. This due to the micro-messages and Neuro-Linguistic programming as I mentioned above.

Well, agree or disagree? Do you care how others perceive you? Any comments?

p/s: Having said so, if you care so much of how others perceive on non-important stuff, that may NOT be a good thing to you too. This is because you’re focusing on the wrong thing. So prioritizing and choosing what you should look at others to perceive you is also important. By the way, my very old post that you may find interesting: The Power of Perceptive Reality.

11 Comments:

Anonymous said...

I really like about the right or wrong or the truth article, it is the best example to demonstrate how we could see things wrong. Cool!

I think no one in the world can fully understand themselves. So, no matter what we still need to get feedback on how others look at us.

I'm not sure about the micro-msg part on NLP. It probably true to certain extend but I bet it must be taken very slowly.

Alvin Lim said...

maybe not just confident...it's more like u r feeling proud and grateful and content about yourself and what you have. that way, if other people try to bring you down, even thru micro-actions, the outcome won't be that bad. because you have all these positive things goin into your mind (i'm happy with what I have and who I am), etc.

But wat u said is true..that's why in every company, there are those people who can b very influential. its very important not to offend them, else they will badmouth you in front of everyone and all of them will have this 'prejudices' even without knowing u well enough. most people love to jump to conclusion anyway. and once the judgment has been set...it's kinda hard to survive in that company for long.

ChampDog said...

@Anonymous
Thanks for your comment. Once the perception is formed, it is hard to change and yes, you're right that it will then take slowly to shape what we perceive.

@Alvin
Very true, it is actually depending on how strong your positive affirmation to yourself or the strong your positive affirmation talks to your inner mind.

I couldn't agree more. As rule of thumb to survive in a company, is NOT to offend anyone. Well, this is sometimes cannot be avoided, then we need choose who we want to offend and not to offend. Sometimes this is called politics. :)

I have seen a boss who forms his perception so damn fast on his people and this boss send really very obvious micro-messages from his body language to people that he doesn't like. As time goes by, those people that he doesn't like - usually cannot perform well in the company.

That's why sometimes you see why not all smart people cannot perform at all in certain company. Are they really cannot perform? or Are they being put to a position that not allow them to perform?

Michael Tsen said...

the mighty who cares about how others perceive him will be able to induce their perception well, like wise a mighty who did not receive expected perception shall revise his strategy until he become a true mighty.

ChampDog said...

Yes, that's right and nice said!

kampunginvestor said...

It is not important what people think about us. We just do what that can make us happy. Do not change yourself for others.

I had the same problem lastime. I wasn't working after graduating but i made quite a healthy income at home. My relatives was firing me from all cylinders.. Who cares anyway? ^^

I still live the life that i want. No regrets. Now i am working in a Property firm because i see the beauty in that line.

ChampDog said...

Finally someone disagrees, thanks Kampung investor for your comment and I love that! :) lol. It suppose to be no right and wrong anyway.

Sometimes I have problem with my closer one too because they just over care on how other people look at them until they're living for others and not for themselves.

I guess this is also what you meant here. We should always know what exactly we really want. We shouldn't do something for the sake of other people expectation.

Now back to your case, if you decided to go to property line. Do you prefer:

Option 1: 8 people support you and 2 people think you will screw up.

Or

Option 2: Only 2 people support you and 8 people think you will screw up.

So which option you will choose? Option 1 or Option 2? For option 1, you will need to defend micro-messages from 2 people so that you won't be influenced by them. For option 2, you need to defend micro-messages from 8 people. It is a matter of giving you an option, do you want to defend less or more? Hypothetically, if your confident level is 10 and you choose option 2, your confident level balance will become 8-2 = 2. Is confident 2 level enough for you to achieve your goal?

I’m not sure if you get what I mean here. Back to the fundamental, how confident that you understand yourself is the key. Do you really understand what you really want or who you really are? Having said so, most successfully person are highly confident person and usually they go through a lot of discouragement especially during their initial stage(before they prove themselves. But do you know that their confident level is NOT 10 but 1000K?

You know what, Kampung Investor, you're one of them! :)

niki yokota said...

hmmmm people are scary. hmmmm

ChampDog said...

What so scary?

kampunginvestor said...

Hmmmz.. Honestly i have confidence abundance in almost everything i do. ^^ The only thing that i have lack of confident is on relationship matters only! My stumbling block.

Come again to your question, personally i LOVE Option 2 compared to Option 1 as usally picked up by the General people or in short the Norm that usually ppl choose.

I don't like to be the Norm so i prefet Option 2! ^^

ChampDog said...

Hahaha... that's what makes you unique and special! :)

Yes, relationship is always something easier said than done. :)


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