Look at the cartoon below, does this happen in your real life? Do you see your friends have what you don’t have and you really admire him? You wish you could be him and own what he owns now and you know what, I bet he is also wishing for the same thing that could own something that you’ve already owned.
Okay, there is nothing wrong with wishing!
You wish for something you don’t have is a good thing. In fact, wish for something is the basic fist step in the Law of Attraction. Without wish, your dream won’t come true at all.
The problem is to complain about it!
A lot of people like use the complain as an excuse and usually this people wont get any far. They may get short-term gain but definitely not the long-term gain. Unless you’re complaining something that within your control, but that is not called complain already. It is called influence.
You may also compare wrongly!
We have to understand that everyone has their own problem. The person that you admire may not be as good as you thought. They may even worst than you as a person just because they do not show the negative side of themselves. This is especially true for the Chinese (Of course not everyone), because of their faces are the most important thing than anything thing else. Faces mean giving the best positive side of yourselves even thought sometimes that is not the real you.
Here are my conclusions from this cartoon:
- Wishes are good only if we able to transform them into action (not complains)
- Live within our means (to accept there are thing we have to do without). It is in fact the secret of wealth and happiness.
- Compare ourselves is always the best strategy because we know the comparison is valid.
p/s: I know talk is easy and I also understand comparing is a human nature but just don’t spend too much time on it. Focus on something else that made a difference. :)
14 Comments:
Champdog,
If the world is perfect, there will not be anyone in it.
Learn how to live in an imperfect world is how I look at it.
Warren Buffet philosophy about wealth is live under your mean and not within your mean. And I have learn that philosophy from my old man. " Live within our means (to accept there are thing we have to do without). It is in fact the secret of wealth and happiness."
Might be I have more testosterone than most women but I cannot help it whenever I overhead or read women talking about what they want to buy for their weddings, valentine days, Christmas gifts, etc etc... , I would said something in my head that "Stupid women.".
I never go shopping on sales, I buy what I need and my need is very simple. I am always looking for assets than liabilities. Most people who are unhappy are accumulating liabilities and that is why they are always unhappy.
That is why even my blog is titled Wealth = right investment + right strategy.
Even finding a spouse is finding a right investment to me. Finding a spouse who is rich is not necessary an asset or a right strategy of investment. But finding a spouse who is an assets to your life as a whole is an asset.
Have a blessed week.
Js.
I think as long as we don’t live beyond our means, then it should be okay. Whether we live under or within our means, at least to me I’m fine with it.
Yes, this is a norm. This is how happiness can bring to them. Buying stuff that they enjoy or receiving a gift they’re not unexpected. So in other words, they’re using money to buy happiness whether for themselves or someone else.
They’re actually enjoying the short-term happiness and then later only suffer for the long term. Does your right investment and strategy consist of health? I think wealth cannot exist without health. So my formula of wealth must include the health as well.
I never go shopping on sales, I buy what I need and my need is very simple. I am always looking for assets than liabilities. Most people who are unhappy are accumulating liabilities and that is why they are always unhappy.
I think human is dynamic. Even today she/she is not the asset or right investment, it doesn’t mean tomorrow they’re not. What I’m trying to say is you may not know whether your spouse is a right choice (you may choose wrongly) but at least what you can do is to make your decision to become a right choice or right investment.
Champdog,
I think it is extremely risky business to wait to change someone :).
From my mental illness studies, a person personality is form as young as 5 years old. If you see a persimistic person, you are not going to change them to be a optimistic person :), you might use mental reframe to alter to a certain degree but no one can change a person personality :).
The choice of a right spouse is one of the biggest exercises in a person life investment.
I talk about divorce in my blog as being the worst investment in a person life. Look at the divorce rate of the US. Would you be surprise if I tell you there is a direct correlation between debts and divorce ? :):)
Divorce came with huge lawyer fees, child supports and emotion tumoils ? Why go into these avoidable debts thinking you can change a person when you know you can change your own thinking ? :)
Cheers :)
Jamy
Becoming wealthy is within our possibilities.I learn to put a little time to set my goals.Planning is important.
Admire of others is not a bad influence and wishes is a good motivation.yup!we should make adjustments in wasteful habits but to me,the first step is to carefully examine our bad habits and look for ways to cut costs.We should learn how to spend the money wisely and should know what we're spending on.
@ Jamy,
I guess we don’t wait and maybe “Change” is not the right word. We should “influence” someone to do something that we want them to do. I agree that into certain extend, changing someone is close to impossible (e.g. introverted plp -> extraverted ppl). According to the theory (i.e. MBTI) , it is not even formed in 5 years but we are all born with it. So all of us are born with a distinct personality and these personalities cannot be changed in your lifetime (the theory).
Choosing a right spouse (or whatever decision) is important, but throughout my life experience, the hardest part is not on the choosing part. It is on after the decision has been made which is to make your choice to be the right one. How do we survive with the decision that we made? No decision is perfect, in my opinion. Not only in life, it can be applied to almost everything (e.g. business and work).
I totally agree that divorce is not a smart move. I think divorce people are usually emotion people (make decision based on emotion) and as you may know managing your finance is all about managing your emotion. So, I won’t surprise there is a direct correlation between debts and divorce.
I think the ability to change the way you see things (see from the different perspective) is basic and is a must. However, purely managing our own is not enough and we need to change they way other see things and make them to do what you want them to do. That’s why influencing power comes into play.
@ Sweetiepie
Changing habit is not easy. I guess majority of us will agree with the statement. We need to have strong motivation force behind to change that. In personal finance, we need to look at the long term and we have to be very clear that what the consequences of our spending are.
For example, I spend extra $ X money and the consequence of spending $X is I will not achieve goal Y. So it leaves 2 options now if I really still want to spend the $X:
Option 1: Give up goal Y
Option 2: Work harder to earn back $ X so that goal Y still can be achieved.
So, the choice is up to you. You spend it, you will lose something. Understand what you will lose is the motivation force. Hope this makes sense.
I think everyone also wants other's stuffs.. never satisfy.
I believe it's I see you good, you see me good. Everyone has their own sad story.
Champdog,
There are a lot of different theories out there about personality development, ranges from psychoanalysis theory, cognitive theory, humanistic theory, behaviorist theory, Developmental theory, genetic theory, biochemical theory and so on and so forth.
It all depend on where you more lean to whichever theory that you see more eyes to eyes. I am more of a cognitive theory person. You think and so you behave. The behaviorist would disagree with me, they believe big time on conditioned response. I suppose you lean towards that.
Read some of Jean Piaget's work and you know I kind of lean towards that.
Though I do not totally disregard the famous Pavlov - the drooling dog :)) and Skinner works (conditioning), I lend towards cognitive theory.
I agree to a certain extend of this : "How do we survive with the decision that we made? No decision is perfect, in my opinion. Not only in life, it can be applied to almost everything (e.g. business and work)." but not totally.
That is why I said most of human problems are self-inflicted. Most of the times we are fixing the problems we have created !
I went back to your old post and realized you are only 29 years old and have already bought 3 houses, good on you.
Well, as for me quote you : "but throughout my life experience" , my 47 years of life experience, I wish I have given more time and more study before I made decision in my younger days and that would probably solved a lot of my avoidable sill mistakes. But having said that, a learned mistake is worth while life experience.
You must be Skinner follower on conditioning : "and make them to do what you want them to do. "
I am not into so much of wanting people to do what I want. That is why I am big time anti-socialist, anti-communists but big time free market capitalist :).
Jamy.
Success comes in many forms. Why must we always have success equal money. Buffet lives a very simple life even though he is worth over 50 billion I believe. Geeeeeeze he still drives himself around Omaha!
The bottom line is to "know" what makes you happy and live to have that "thing" that makes you happy. Unfortunately, some human beings are spoiled and quickly become bored. Others need excitement and constant change because change is healthy for them. So ultimately, yes I believe in living for today while always planning for tomorrow. I must have balance in my life but it must be a healthy balance.
@Keeyit
Human satisfaction is hard to be met because human has never satisfied with what they have.
@Cozuni
Ya, that’s right. It is a matter of they show it out or not. When you close to someone, you will probably realize, no one is perfect in the world. We all have different problems to be solved.:)
@Kayatan
You seem like have different name. Perhaps you’re right that I more lean towards the behaviorism. Just like you, I don’t fully against other theories too. Theories are just theories and every theory is the right one. It is just a matter of how you look at it.
Yes, most of the times we are fixing the problems we have created but it is still better than most of the times we are blaming the decision that we had made. You know what I meant? “If I were to do this…then…” and stuck there. Of course, if you could learn from the wrong decision and move forward from there then it is good. IMO, if we focus or put higher priority on making a right decision, we will end up stay in the past especially when we realize the decision that made is the wrong one. Does this make sense?
I was 29 last years and now I’m 30 and thanks! I’m not really sure what “skinner follower on condition” means but I think greatest success come with Team Work. You can survive on your on but you can’t achieve greater success without team work. Sometimes we need to utilize other people skills to get what you want in life. Maybe it happens day to day in your life but we just not aware of it. Having said so, I’m not good in influencing people. Something that I’m still learning everyday. :)
@ The Fearless Blog
I accidentally missed out your comment. :D Yes, I totally agree that success comes in different forms and it is totally up to the one who define it. However, if even though money is the main success, it always is part of the success. Don’t you think so?
Warren Buffet is the one I admire and respect most. I’m not really sure if I will live a simple life like him when I have all the money he has. Amazing, isn’t he?
To know what makes us happy seems simple enough but hardest to achieve. Not all of us know exactly what makes us happy. I will bet majority of us just want money as you mentioned. Honestly, money can solve a lot of problems don’t you think so? Therefore as I said before, it may not be the main success but it always as part of the success.
Yes I agree, balance is everything in life. Any extreme to one side only, it is going to be disaster. Well, wish you all the best and thanks for your comments.
Champdog,
I think when I am too lazy to type in my user name and web site, it default to my blogger account which I have kayatan.
Sorry I confuse you.
I used to work with a guy who own 21 factories in many diff. countries. He said when he was younger, he was never too good in studies. He likes to many other things. So, growing up in Asian society made him look dump cos he always got the last position in class. The parents think his future was doomed. He ended up flunk many of his classes. In the end, he took up a course that not many people took cos he thought to himself, well I better get myself a degree so people don't think I am an idiot. He did. But, in fact, he is very smart. He can sell ice to eskimo :) He once told me, he hired the smartest people to run his business. He has Bsc, Msc (master degree), and Ph.D :):)but he is not as smart as this people.
Yes, the smartest people are those utilize other people talents :):). It is called synergy :) "[but I think greatest success come with Team Work. You can survive on your on but you can’t achieve greater success without team work. Sometimes we need to utilize other people skills to get what you want in life. Maybe it happens day to day in your life but we just not aware of it.]"
I think IQ+EQ both are as essential factor to be a wealthy person.
I do not want to use the word 'successful' here cos successful can means many thing to many people.
Yes, that is why there are a lot of people who has major depression, suicidal intent in America society : "Yes, most of the times we are fixing the problems we have created but it is still better than most of the times we are blaming the decision that we had made. You know what I meant? “If I were to do this…then…” and stuck there."
Some of them has genetic disposal, some are environmental, some are those who just could not move on. For those of us who move on, we have good mental health.
There are 57.7 million in America who has some kind of depression issues. Man , that is 26.2% of the population. I say if this time the democratic win and we are more into socialist country. I believe the figure will even goes up.
If you have ever read the "Rich dad poor dad" bs books, all the guys are saying is don't be a socialwellfare dependent products.
Solve your problems, don't blame the government, your parents, your spouse, your kids or your dogs or cats, or situation, your boss, your working environment.
I get into hilarious laughters when I read news that obese people sue fast food chain that because of the fast food chain, they get fat. And sue the tobacco company when they get lung cancer because the tobacco companies supply their cigerets and hence result their lung cancer.
I think these people who have these kind of mentality should have ECT treatment or sent to Elise island and lock up :):).
js
Yes I agree somewhat with you but although money can solve problems as you say, it can also create problems. I have wealthy relatives and friends, who were never around when their children were growing up because making money was all they knew. Some divorced and some isolated themselves from the rest of their family or friends.
The real problem is not the lack of money or the excess of it. The problem is not knowing what makes you happy. I personally know very wealthy men and women who have everything money can buy, and they are so unhappy and incomplete. I would "never" trade the life I have for theirs. I like money, don't get me wrong. I just don't want the money to be the "thing" I focus on acquiring. I rather focuss on that vacation home I am going to build on my mountain than focuss on the money itself. It is that vacation home that I will share with family and friends that makes me happy, not the money. I don't know. Does that make sense?
@Kayatan
Whether Kayatan or Jamy, it sounds good to me. You have a very special name. :D
Thanks for the inspiring story. I think you make the point clear. Synergy is higher level than the team work itself because in Synergy 1+1 = >2. I do believe people who can achieve the synergy are usually the smartest people. Honestly synergy is not something can be achieved easily. Team work yes but not synergy. Yes, I do agree IQ + EQ are the essential factor to be wealthy.
That’s why I said, we should learn or even put higher priority on learning how to survive with the wrong decision rather than focusing on making the right decision. Of course, we still try our best to make the right decision but we anticipate the decisions could be the wrong one. With this kind of mentality, don’t you think the number of depression rate in U.S will be lower?
I absolutely agree with you too. I think maybe the main reason they want to sue the company is because they want the money. If there is no money involved, I don’t they people have motivate to sue. Don’t you think so?
Well, thanks for the comment.
@The Fearless Blog
Exactly, the real problem is not the money itself. It is as you said knowing what you really want. The reason I bring up the point is that because many of us directly correlate the money with unhappiness.
“When we’re rich, we will unhappy. Therefore, we don’t want to be rich”
Then we use this excuse not to become rich because it makes us unhappy. Sometimes is yourself fail to earn more money and you said “nah… is not I fail, it is because becoming rich could make me unhappy. I don’t want to be rich.”. Honestly I have seen people like that. This is definitely not the right way. I think you will agree with me on that.
By right, the money itself doesn’t create problems. It is we’re the one create the problem for ourselves when we have a lot of money. Because of that, we can’t blame the money but yourself. I have seen rich people having happy life too.
I agree with you too that we shouldn’t mainly focus on the money. There are other things more important or bring more meaningful to our life. However, one thing as I mentioned is no matter what we want to achieve in life, money is always part of the goals. You can’t completely ignore money because it is really important. I hope this makes sense too.:) Thanks for the discussion.
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